Hi, hello! So much has changed and stayed the same since I last talked about my motherhood experience. Travis and I have been parenting for 4 months now. And I keep saying that this is the longest and shortest period of my life, because that’s how it still feels.
When I was pregnant, I was flooded with online content about birthing, parenting, feeding, and more. It was like there was a flimsy dam holding all these videos back until I announced my pregnancy. Now, it feels like I’m a part of the biggest club in the world. A lot of this content is “real life,” and a lot more of it is ads, highlight reels, or only the happy side of parenting.
Whether you are a parent, hoping to be one, or happily child-free, I thought I’d share a bit more about my experiences beyond what you see on social media.
It Pains Me to Not Share Dorian Online—But I’m Still Holding Strong
I know everyone is biased, but I do have the cutest baby. And I take so many pictures of him every day. My favorites are when he’s looking at Midna in awe as she naps next to him. We’ve got photos and videos of all his cute smiles, new outfits, developments, and early memories.
We’re still sticking with our boundaries and not sharing him online. We want him to build his own digital footprint, and we also don’t want to give anything to the weirdos out there—especially ones who generate weirdo content with AI.
We’re using an app to share photos with his family and community. It’s certainly more convenient than texting everyone. If you know us IRL, we can share the album with you! It’s a one-invite-per-person situation, so I’m still working on inviting friends and extended family to the app. Sorry for the delay!
I Couldn’t Do This Without My Local and Not-Local Villages
I keep thinking about how my pregnancy and Dorian’s life would be different if we didn’t live 10 minutes away from family. As a military brat, that was my norm: visit grandparents on special occasions like for the summer or Christmastime. I wonder how our parents did it—how my friends do it now with family much further away.
With a bit of planning, we’re able to get babysitters for date nights, busy work days (like 5 author calls in a row!), or my medical appointments. Travis and I are already a great team, but it’s so wonderful to have even more people on the team. I couldn’t go to author events or venture out of my home without the physical help. But it’s also the mental, unseen help. I don’t need permission to be a working mom, but I feel that support from those near and far to do what I do. I don’t feel judged for needing a breather or for being excited to extrovert with other bookish adults.
My medical team caught my postpartum depression very early—pretty much a week or two after Dorian arrived. A lot of it was just the sheer exhaustion of working with broken sleep and anticipating Dorian’s needs based on his cries. And hey, becoming a mother is the ultimate watershed moment. All to say, I’ve truly felt so loved and supported by family, friends, and the bookish community. I’ve made several friends and deepened friendships with fellow mother-authors. These relationships are so incredibly valuable. I feel like I can still be me and just add a facet to my life instead of being swallowed up by motherhood.
I’m Only Occasionally Glamorous
The types of selfies I’m sharing these days are from the days when I’ve properly moisturized and put on makeup and “cute” clothes. Since Dorian often spits up on himself and whoever’s holding him, it means my day-to-day look is pretty boring. I’m wearing something that is “okay” if it gets mess on it. And this quick twisty bun helps avoid getting spitup in my hair.
I should probably do more Stories in my normal getup, so you see the “normal for now” me. It’s just that I’m usually breastfeeding when I think to turn on my phone camera, and I’m not that comfortable.
Now that Dorian will let me carry him in this carrier, I’m walking around with him more so he doesn’t get upset when I’m working or going to another room. I want to get more photos of us like this because I feel wildly empowered when I’m using a carrier. I feel so strong and capable!
So for now, you’re seeing the more “put-together” version of me online, and I think that’s to be expected since that’s what we all tend to do online. I am proud of myself for sharing pregnancy photos in my typical outfits at the time—including those colorful compression socks! And I’m showing up now in my postpartum form. I’m feeling pretty neutral about my appearance, except I want to rebuild some muscle I’ve lost. Carrying a growing baby sure helps with my goals!
Every Decision Takes More Planning
It’s not like I’d just pop in and out of the house whenever, but it’s true that when you’re child-free, you can just go places. Now with Dorian (and he’s only 4 months old), everything from scheduling medical appointments to going to the movies requires more intentionality. For example, I try to take advantage of Travis’ hybrid work schedule so I can do certain things solo.
But now when I plan events or bookstore questing crawls, I still need to plan them way in advance. For one thing, my car usually has the car seat stuff. Second, I’m breastfeeding, so I have to think about what I’ll do when I’m not regularly feeding Dorian (e.g., do I pump or just feed him immediately when I get home?) And of course, there’s checking in and communicating with Travis, so I’m not mindlessly being away for a whole day or weekend.
With events, I’m also considering if they’re worth being away from Dorian. Have I worked with the event coordinators before? Were the previous events successful? Do I feel confident that I’m going to at least break even? I should be asking myself these questions regardless of having kids, but I definitely ask them now. I’m also just moving slower and constantly tired, so I’m spreading out any events on my schedule so I’m not running on fumes.
Still Not Writing—And That’s Totally Okay
I didn’t really have any intentions of drafting anything this year. Again, I wasn’t sure what I’d be up for, and I didn’t want to set up arbitrary and unrealistic goals. I’ve used the voice-to-text feature in Notes to record some thoughts and ideas. Instead of “shower thoughts,” I’m now having “breastfeeding thoughts,” so voice memos are coming in clutch.
I also barely have any time to sit down and think about what I want to write or say. Right now, as I’m writing this blog, Dorian is on a quilt, trying to eat his fist, and babbling to himself when he should be asleep. It’s these 5–10 minute pockets where I have to do something quickly before he cries. And for now, I’m using those moments to work with my authors, change into a clean shirt, feed myself, let Midna outside…
So for now, I’m letting the creative thoughts swirl in my head. Once Dorian gets a bit older and we have some semblance of a routine, my goal is to take my laptop to the library, coffee shop, or a bookstore to get some writing done. The thought is very exciting. It reminds me that this phase is very temporary, and once I have a sustainable amount of time for creativity, the thoughts are really going to flow.
Thank you for checking in—whether directly or by reading this post. Do you have more questions or experiences to share? Let me know in the comments! In the meantime, I’m saluting you and sending you good vibes to thrive this week. We got this!
